Yesterday after my kid’s soccer practice, I took my 7-year old son to get a haircut. On the drive home, my son starts whining, complaining about his haircut, my 5-year old daughter is sitting beside him and she starts crying because my son won’t stop whining. Next, my son decides to hit his sister and she cries even louder. This goes on for a good five minutes, at this point my son starts screaming at the top of his lungs… I feel my frustration turn into anger, I want to yell at the kids and tell them to “Shuuuut-up!” but instead I breathe… focus on THEIR feelings and I make it about them. I shift my perception and take my attention off of how I’m feeling, I stop thinking about how I want them to behave and instead I put my attention on them, focus on how THEY feel and I look at how I can HELP them.
Rather than going into an old stimulus and response pattern, I CHOSE to interrupt the pattern and respond with Love. Much easier said than done, this has been my intention for many years, and it is finally sinking into the being level. It took a while for this intellectual concept to fully integrate into who I really am at the core, but it was well worth the effort. The intention to be better, to improve and to grow as a person is slowly starting to manifest and I’m very happy with the results.
Rather than reacting to the kids, I chose to visualize my son’s consciousness as a ball of white light and I directed compassion and acceptance towards his consciousness… and guess what? He stopped screaming, calmed down and my kids enjoyed the rest of the car ride home.
Moral of the story? It’s not about changing others… It all comes down to YOU and how you CHOOSE to respond to the situation. One of my favorite quotes from Wayne Dyer is this: “Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.” I witnessed this firsthand in our car ride home.
We create our reality, we get to choose the movie we immerse ourselves in for a lifetime. What is the title of your movie? Some might unconsciously choose to experience “Hardship and Pain” but once we know that we have the power to change the movie, we can put on “Happiness and Joy.” The characters may remain the same, the plot may shift a little, but the genre completely changes from horror to inspiration, drama to comedy. Everything feels a lot “lighter” life becomes much better; people, places and events all come together in a kind of magical way.
So next time you find yourself in a car with whining kids, or in an argument with your spouse, a disagreement with your boss/colleague/friend, or any type of situation that you wish were different, just remember; you are the director of your movie, what type of film are you choosing to produce?
Great advice. I’ve got a 2 year old at home who has a very strong will. This type of response you’re practicing sounds counter intuitive but quite often counter intuitive actions are far superior and successful than just doing what we’ve always done. Thanks V,
Kevin
I love this example Vanessa! I completely agree we are truly the creators of our reality and most of us have learned to live in a reactive state instead of a creating what we want. I believe unconditional love is truly the way to make any reality an fun, easy and peaceful place. When we choose to come from love no matter what is happening around us we will transform the reality to match 💖 All it takes is awareness, willingness and a little practice. Thank you for being you and commiting to helping others evolve to a state of love together! You are always an inspiration!!
Beautiful blog, Vanessa!! It’s a really fantastic reminder that we can completely change our reaction, reality and the energy around us as well, depending on what we “choose” to do. Great job turning that around. I suspect I may need to try that technique at some point today.❤️
Shelby
Vanessa your story is so real and encourigining. I have been in the same situation so many times with my 5 year old girl to the point that I ran out of parenting books and methods to stop that behaviour. Now, I try (try probably means 60% I do) to really listen to her and tune with her feelings and not to make it about me (I’m frustated, I’m tired, I’m being disturbed by your crying, etc) and her “behaviour changes” (I changed).
It is not easy to change gears when we are fully inmmerse in the storm but practicing to keep in mind the big picture (love is the answer) comes handy when we are drowning in our feelings.
I hope one day this practice sinks in my being level as it is in yours and my first response is love.
Thanks for sharing this beautiful reminder to our souls. 💖
Teyo
Vanessa, that was a beautifully vulnerable share of a parenting experience and your inner thoughts where you’re deeply loving your kids so unconditionally despite being in a storm of feelings for all three of you. Through the conscious choice of lowering your entropy, that mindfully shifted the energy for yourself. Kids have an incredible way of picking up energy/vibes that’s related to them even though they may not be able to articulate it but they feel it. Your being in the moment as well as compassion rippled out to them which made them feel seen and heard. You’re being that safe harbour for them when they were overwhelmed by emotion and that’s an incredibly precious gift.
I SO needed to read this before as I was stuck in a late ferry lineup with some real whiny kids, and I was pretty whiny myself to boot! This post is such a great reminder the power of a simple act that actually doesn’t take much effort at all but has the immensity to change situations you literally want to scream your face off at. Thank you so much for sharing this and reminding us that this work is available to us whenever we want and Choose it!!
Thanks Vanessa for sharing that experience with us. I find myself going back many times to read it again and again to inspire me and remind myself of the choices available to me every moment of my day. It is up to me to choose the path that will lead me to happiness and help me evolve the quality of my consciousness. It will only happen when I start responding from the Being level and not from my intellect. it is an everyday practice. I am so grateful to you and to our community for support in my journey.
Very nice blog post, Vanessa! It’s amazing to hear what you have accomplished in the past year and to see how much good you are putting out into the world. You are leading by example not only for your children, but for all of us.
-Christine
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