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Friendship

I had a friend who was a lot of fun to be around; she had a great sense of humor, I loved her spontaneity and her enthusiasm was contagious. We were friends for a few years, we didn’t spend that much time together, but when we did hangout, it was a lot of fun.

Lately we started seeing each other more often than usual and I noticed that she would often talk about other people. I noticed this habit of hers; talking about others, rather than talking to others. I didn’t particularly like this habit, and any time she vented about someone, I suggested she speak directly to the person she had the issue with, to which she would reply “yeah, I know, I know.” And that was that.

Over the past few months I felt some judgement coming from this friend and I had another friend mention a comment this person said about me, but I brushed it off and took responsibility to own my shit. The comment triggered me because there was some truth to it.

As it turns out, this friend has been saying many negative things about me to other people, rather than talking directly to me about her issues. I shouldn’t be surprised, if anything, I should have expected it. If someone is constantly pointing out the faults in others, they will eventually find them in you too.

This brings me to a fork in the road; do I continue this friendship or do I walk away? I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, I like to focus on the best in others and I do my best to see the positive qualities in everyone. I do see this friend as someone who has a lot to offer to the world and I see her as someone who is struggling on her journey, just as many of us are. I enjoy being with her and walking through this journey together and now I realize that our paths are veering off into different directions. I still have love for this person and I will do my best to have encouraging and supportive thoughts for her however I don’t see this person as a friend.

It’s funny because I would always say: “strangers are friends we haven’t met yet” – I saw everyone as a friend but now I’m re-evaluating the way I see friendship. I am learning to see that friendship is built on a solid foundation of trust.

I’m learning to pay attention to how my friends talk about other people, I’m starting to see that you can learn more about a person based on what they say about others rather than what others have to say about them. If someone spends a lot of time bashing others, putting people down, talking about people behind their back, there’s a very good chance they will do the same thing to you.

In general, I don’t mind if people talk about me behind my back, I feel pretty good about myself and I assume most people have positive things to say about me.

However, I don’t agree with people that spend their time finding faults in others and spreading their negativity around to anyone who will listen.

I choose to surround myself with positive, loving people and most importantly; people who own their shit, rather than those who don’t have the courage to look at themselves and instead blame everyone else for how they feel.

I understand that no one can make me feel a certain way, even if a friend talks poorly about me behind my back and is nice to my face. It’s my choice to feel betrayed and see this “friend” as dishonest, OR I can choose to feel compassion and see this person as someone who is doing the best they can from where they are. For a while we may have shared a similar path through life and for a while, we may walk separate paths, perhaps one day our paths will cross again, in the mean time, I respect this person and the journey she’s on.

It seems to me that when we walk on the path together, we are friends, we trust each other and we support each other. When we take separate paths, we become acquaintances, friendly in passing, but not friends.

Friendship is reserved for those who are able to see you through your difficult times and help you rise up when you’re feeling down. Friendship is for those who always see the best in you and only have positive things to say about you, if they are upset with you, they talk to you, not about you.

Friendship is never having to say you’re sorry because a true friend will always understand that you are doing the best you can. See real friends don’t make each other feel bad, instead real friends lift each other up and bring out the best in one another. Real friends are precious gems, rare and unique, if you have a real friend, take good care of them because they can be hard to find.

Leading by Example

After my divorce, I immediately jumped into a new relationship before the ink had dried on our separation agreement. I was committed to my new partner for 6 months before I realized we were better off as friends. A couple weeks passed by when I met someone new and found myself in yet another committed relationship. This lasted 9 months before I “woke up” and understood that I’ll never be happy in a relationship until I’m happy with myself.

In November of 2016, I made a commitment to be in a relationship with myself. I decided to take one year to focus on myself rather than pouring all my energy into a relationship and this turned out to be the best decision ever!

This is what I have achieved over the past 12 months:
1) I started a new career path that I absolutely LOVE! I get to teach leadership & development skills to indigenous communities across British Columbia and I facilitate support groups for single moms through the YWCA.

2) I created a non-profit organization that is growing beyond belief; sharing free resources (courses, support groups, one on one connections) with respect to Purpose, Clarity & Love.

3) The most important achievement of them all is this; my kids see their mother leading by example. I’m showing my kids what it looks like to live a meaningful life, create a positive impact and stay true to yourself.

Over the past 12 months,  I left the world of finance and entered the Non-Profit realm and I became a “minimalist.”  I often wonder how my kids interpret the contrast between me and their father. I live in a small 2 bdrm suite and drive a ’95 Corolla while their dad lives in a huge 4000 sq ft home and drives a new BMW.

Earlier this year, Nala, my 5 year old daughter, said to me “Mommy, why does Daddy have a big house and you have a small house?”
I replied with “because Daddy makes big money so he has a big house… Mommy is starting over and she makes little money so she has a little house.”
Nala nodded her head as she pondered this thought.
I then picked her up, put her on my lap and said “Baby, it’s not how much money you make that’s important… what’s important is how you treat other people, what’s important is WHO you are, how good of a person you are.”
Nala leaned in and said “I love you mommy.” I felt the love as we cuddled together in my cozy little home.

Last month I took a contract to teach a leadership program in Lax Kw’alaams, and I agreed to stay on the Native reserve for 12 days at a time, only seeing my kids every second weekend. Feeling guilty for being away from my kids for so long, I was encouraged the other day while I was on a video call with Nala.

My daughter answered the call, happy as can be and we chatted for a bit when she asked me, “how was your day mommy?”
I told her I had a good day at work and she replied with “Mommy your work is more important than Daddy’s” I laughed and said “Baby, everybody’s work is important.”

When we got off the phone, I smiled, reflecting upon how my daughter came to that conclusion.

Yes I’m a busy mom with a clear mission and I work a lot, I sometimes worry that I’m not spending enough time with my kids. But it’s moments like these that help me to understand that the best mother I can be is one who leads by example.

I’m proud of the mother I am, I’m not a traditional mom, but I am me… authentic and true. I stand behind the values I teach and I not only tell my kids how important it is to treat others with respect, compassion and kindness, the main thing is; I show them what it looks like to embody these values. Courageously leading by example.

You create your reality


Yesterday after my kid’s soccer practice, I took my 7-year old son to get a haircut. On the drive home, my son starts whining, complaining about his haircut, my 5-year old daughter is sitting beside him and she starts crying because my son won’t stop whining. Next, my son decides to hit his sister and she cries even louder. This goes on for a good five minutes, at this point my son starts screaming at the top of his lungs… I feel my frustration turn into anger, I want to yell at the kids and tell them to “Shuuuut-up!” but instead I breathe… focus on THEIR feelings and I make it about them. I shift my perception and take my attention off of how I’m feeling, I stop thinking about how I want them to behave and instead I put my attention on them, focus on how THEY feel and I look at how I can HELP them.

Rather than going into an old stimulus and response pattern, I CHOSE to interrupt the pattern and respond with Love. Much easier said than done, this has been my intention for many years, and it is finally sinking into the being level. It took a while for this intellectual concept to fully integrate into who I really am at the core, but it was well worth the effort. The intention to be better, to improve and to grow as a person is slowly starting to manifest and I’m very happy with the results.

Rather than reacting to the kids, I chose to visualize my son’s consciousness as a ball of white light and I directed compassion and acceptance towards his consciousness… and guess what? He stopped screaming, calmed down and my kids enjoyed the rest of the car ride home.
Moral of the story? It’s not about changing others… It all comes down to YOU and how you CHOOSE to respond to the situation. One of my favorite quotes from Wayne Dyer is this: “Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.” I witnessed this firsthand in our car ride home.

We create our reality, we get to choose the movie we immerse ourselves in for a lifetime. What is the title of your movie? Some might unconsciously choose to experience “Hardship and Pain” but once we know that we have the power to change the movie, we can put on “Happiness and Joy.” The characters may remain the same, the plot may shift a little, but the genre completely changes from horror to inspiration, drama to comedy. Everything feels a lot “lighter” life becomes much better; people, places and events all come together in a kind of magical way.

So next time you find yourself in a car with whining kids, or in an argument with your spouse, a disagreement with your boss/colleague/friend, or any type of situation that you wish were different, just remember; you are the director of your movie, what type of film are you choosing to produce?

What’s with the name?

Entropy simply means “the measurement of disorder,” something that has high entropy is full of disorder, it’s unorganized, chaotic and inefficient. On the other hand, something that has low entropy is very efficient, it’s organized, and harmonious, it works really well. We live in a social system, when our social system is unruly and we experience war, despair, famine and destruction, we are living in a high entropy state. The flip side is a social system that cooperates with acceptance and compassion for each other, a system that works together with encouragement and support. You see, the result of a low entropy system is Love. We chose the name “Low Entropy” as a Universal way of sharing the important message of Love.